As a once sufferer of a mental disorder I can appreciate what it feels like to have thought patterns that you know are not making sense but you find it impossible to act in a different way. . . So many people share a similiar mindset and thought processes, but yours is becoming dangerous to your health. . The best advice I can give you is to let you know that you will feel different one day and you must make it your top priority to work your way towards this goal of thinking clearly again. . . It is as simple as just eating, you cant see it right now, but its true.. You only have one life, make the most of it, it would be a tragedy if you didnt make it.. . right now I am trying to lose weight, weight that I accumulated while being ill. If I dont do it I will suffer health issues. . . so I can appreciate your situation even it is the "opposite" to yours.. . Once you put on some weight you will think clearly again.