Question

How can we deal with someone who is exploiting us?

Answer 1

Ouch...that is tough. Your hubby obviously took what her dying husband asked him to do to heart. Seems to me his wife's feeling should come first though. Tell him how he is hurting you...tell her to grow up and take care of herself,and to leave your family alone.

Answer 2

Yikes she IS taking advantage of your husband's good will. The trick is to get him to see it. Have you brutally (but calmly) pointed out specific situations? I'm sure your husband feels a responsibility towards her but he shouldn't sacrifice your marriage for it. And ignoring your protests and going behind your back IS doing just that. I hate to say it but if he doesn't see your point soon, she will do something to really hurt him and his feelings will really be hurt but at least he will have gotten the point.

Answer 3

Your husband made a promise to take care of her. He will hold that up. Instead of fighting that, support him. Then find out if together you can find ways to really help and take care of her - like confront, support, etc, her to stop drinking. Real help instead of just bailing out. That might do more than the fighting, irritations, and all you have now. She was your best friend, and she lost her husband. Can you try to really be a friend, but not just sit by and do nothing while she destroys herself?

Answer 4

Unless she's boinking your husband...she's still a friend of your marriage.. . Whatever needs she has are obviously more important to her because she's obviously in more emotional pain than you. (Especially if she's unable to be responsible for her own bills and drinks her money away). The betrayal you feel is a selfishness that hurting people resort to make themselves feel better.. Kind of the way a scared child will insist on having things their way to feel safe again.. When something goes wrong in any relationship you can either let it burn...(not recommended) or patch it up by spending extra time with your "ex best friend".. Tell HER how it made you feel. NOT your husband.. She's who you're mad at, right?. There's a slim chance she'll see your point.

Answer 5

You have to put your foot down and be assertive. Obviously she's in emotional pain over her husband's death, and your husband feels obligated. Don't avoid her. This will only rev her engine. Try annoying her until she sees you as a pest and will make every effort to avoid you. The only way to fight fire is with fire. Make a stand and be obnoxious.

Answer 6

allow your husband to fufill his obligation without your value judgement of "being taken advantage of". your point of view is the wrench in the system. not trying to be unkind, and do feel empathy for you. but allow him to do what he feels he needs to and allow her to ask until she feels she doesn't have to anymore. you can't rush the process and will only alienate your husband in the process. tell him you love him and you trust his judgement in this and you will say nothing again on this matter unless asked. not what you wanted to hear probably but hope it works out for you!

Answer 7

This must be very difficult to accept. I don't know you but I feel the sting even as I sit scripting my response. Your husband took a vow when you and he were married, as did you; I am assuming. This vow reflects well on both of you as you maintain it. It's part of who you are now, and it then must be a part of him. You honour each other in this, it is one of the truly great expressions of love that only couples can share. Should your husband recant on the vow that he took upon the deathbed of the deceased then this would lessen him, in his own eyes; and if you consider it possibly in yours. The thin edge of the wedge opens even the strongest armor. I live with much that I will not burden you with in this time of your distress. I will share a thought however, as this is no question another can advise upon. What can not be changed must be endured, if you want peace; you must accept what is. If you can overlook the faults of another as they offend you, you no longer feel offended; then you are free of a debt you do not owe. This is hard, I have done it; but it's not a quick fix. Time washes the hurt out of all things if this is applied, it is universal to us all; but it is not easy. My best wishes for your deliverance of a difficult circumstance fly to you, I hope you can deliver yourself from this state.

Answer 8

She is a Dead Beat. You are Right. Do Away with Her Friendship, If You can Call It That.

Answer 9

First smack your husband upside the head and tell him to go pick up a pair of balls from the super mart, and while he's at it to get some common sense. It isn't you or your kindness you ex friend is taking advantage of, it's your husbands. And it's not going to stop unless you put your foot down. And it's gotta come down on her... or your husband. You have to make him see, some promises aren't worth keeping. There are some sacrafices that must be made, and there are sacrafices that can't be made.